Written by writing staff Cara Mackler
When you're too busy to go out but ready to meet someone, online dating can be the perfect change of pace. We live in a digital world, so it makes sense that we would also date in one. Having navigated my fair share of cheesy pick-up lines and bad dates, I know from experience that dating online can be just as difficult as dating in real life. With dating apps like Bumble, OKCupid, PlentyOfFish, and Tinder, connecting with someone online is more convenient and complicated than ever.
Below I have compiled 6 things to keep in mind when dating online:
1. They hardly complete their profile
An online profile creates a quick and easy place to highlight parts of a person's life and personality. You can show your hobbies, interests, hobbies, friends or family if you want.
While the verdict can be an unfortunate result of the quick decision to swipe left or right, try to see what he highlights about his personality via his profile picture. Are they bragging about how they can rock a barrel or how they've traveled to Fiji and swum with stingrays? I'm not saying you should write someone off completely if their profile isn't exactly complete, but you can use their profile as a tool to determine if you have something in common or if there's something that intrigues you beyond just their looks.
2. They use obscene language to flirt
when you seeTinder nightmares, you will be entertained for hours reading many people's failed attempts to get someone's attention with an obscene or strange phrase. While that's entertaining for us, not so much if you're the one who gets the awkward and hurtful messages from online trolls.
The way someone starts a conversation with you says a lot about how they see you as a person and how they treat you as a couple. Did they comment on your body in a sexual way or ask what breed your cute dog is in your photo? You might get your fair share of cheesy pick-up lines, some might be endearing and charming while others might be rude and demeaning. Humor can be a wonderful icebreaker, but also remember that you're worth more than just a pick-up line. Someone who really wants to get to know you will take the time to do so.
3. You control
After the first icebreaker conversation, how does the rest of the conversation go? It's always a good idea to test the waters before agreeing to meet that person in real life. Your first conversations with someone new should be easy. If someone gets too strong right away, or you're under pressure to meet up in person before you're ready, don't hesitate to push for breaks and set boundaries. If they don't respect those boundaries, they don't respect you.
When someone gives you a checklist of all the things they want in a future partner, it can be a red flag to some.controlling behavior. It's one thing when they state what is non-negotiable, but it's quite another when they list the required qualities. In a healthy relationship, you should feel free to be yourself. If you feel like someone is already trying to change things about you to suit their needs, that's not okay.
4. You are mysterious
Online dating leaves many mysteries, which can be attractive and exciting to some, but it can also be a red flag that you're not getting the whole truth.
My girlfriend agreed to date someone she met online and they had a great time together. They had dinner and talked for hours and overall it was a very nice date. She was excited to see him again and he seemed just as excited. They planned to go out again but he canceled at the last minute, saying his cat had died. After giving her some time to deal with her cat's death, he made plans to see her again and she was delighted. She canceled again at the last minute because she said her grandmother had died. Although this seemed too tragic to be true, she gave him the benefit of the doubt that she was telling the truth. He disappeared for a few weeks.
When he finally got back in touch, she agreed to go out with him and they had another wonderful date. At the end of the date, they took a cab back to her apartment. As my friend got out of the taxi, a girl came screaming at her. Shocked and confused, my friend asked her what was going on. This girl turned out to be the girlfriend of the guy my boyfriend was dating at the time.
Observing their conversations more closely, it seemed increasingly obvious that the signs that he was lying and manipulating were there all along. He texted only at certain times of the day, disappeared for days, and used excuse after excuse to put off every date to make sure his girlfriend wasn't around. Moral of the story:Mystery can be fun, but it can also be a sign that someone is hiding something.trust your instincts.
5. You are demanding
First dates with someone you met online are basically blind dates. You don't really know if that person is who they say they are until you meet them in person. Because of this, dating in a public place not only protects you but also gives you a way out in case you don't really feel it.
First impressions can be revealing. You can really learn a lot about someone on a first date, and it's actually possible to spot some red flagsunhealthy behavioreven at the beginning. An example is when they make demands early on, maybe to meet up or hang out at your place instead of going out somewhere together. Another example could be when they expect you to change your schedule just to accommodate theirs, or cancel existing plans to accommodate them. These types of behaviors can be the beginning of other controlling behaviors.
First dates should be exciting and flirty. It's all about those exciting moments of connection and chemistry that make you smile all day long. This person should make you feel special, respected, and valued. If there's even a shred of control, possessiveness,disrespectful or unhealthy behavior, the behavior is unlikely to go away.
6. Help signal
Most importantly, your safety comes first. Always meet in a public place for the first two dates. If someone pressures you to meet you somewhere private for a first date, it could be awkward and trap you if you don't enjoy the date. Choose a place that you're familiar with and have been to before, or a place that's easy to return home to if things go wrong.
If you go somewhere that serves alcoholic beverages, mostlyBartenders use secret codes to help customers keep privatewhen they need help, are being harassed, or are feeling unsafe on a bad date. Another way to stay safe is to tell a friend or friends when and where you are going out. Ask her to call you at a specific time during the appointment, and if the appointment doesn't go well, use the call as an outlet. And remember, if you're ever abused or assaulted on a date, it's not your fault and you can get help.
Online dating is the new way of finding a partner for many people. Like any other part of technology, it has its pros and cons. With your safety in mind, online dating should be fun! So, enjoy and hopefully you find your Tinderella story.